Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
NoShamevember. You game?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.