Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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