I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
