Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
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I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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