i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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