I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
