i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
