I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
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We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
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I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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