it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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