redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
