i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
