he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
