Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
