I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
