I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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