puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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