i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
