the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
