you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
