I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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