I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
