shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
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My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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