He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
