Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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