The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
