I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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