she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
