he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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