everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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