He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
