While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
