You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
