a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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