remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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