awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Lo siento on account of my penis...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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