Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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