Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
