why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
