youre lurking in front of me
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
