Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
