I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i love accidental penises.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
