they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
