you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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