my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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