So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
