They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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