I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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