Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
