saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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