Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
