Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
