my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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