I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Randomize