Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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