the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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