I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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