Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Couch. On fire.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
