I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
