just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
