Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
