I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So here I am, sexting at work.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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