he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We have so much sex to catch up on
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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